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A Toad in Trouble

Recently, I was deeply stirred by the healing power of acceptance and love after hearing a dear friend’s story about his five year old son. While the young boy was shopping with his mother he created some trouble in the store, resulting in a scolding from the store clerk and his mother. With childhood wonder, innocence and regret the wee lad explained to his parents, it was the “toad” who got carried away in the store, not he. The toad indeed, was very sorry.

From then on, each time “bad” behaviour erupted, my friend and his wife used the toad metaphor to help their five year old identify inappropriate behaviour. This occurred a time or two until one afternoon at home the young boy had a huge upset with his mom, ending with him spouting mean words. Both mother and father, heated and frustrated, again chastised their young son, “The toad is misbehaving again. We don’t want to see the toad now.” The episode ended with the strained mother departing alone for what had been a much anticipated shopping trip. The loss of the shopping outing and the painful family upset left the little lad wholly distraught. My dear friend, being a wise and caring soul tried to comfort his boy but to no avail.

A Bell Rings in the Soul

Then, as my friend described it, it was as though a bell rang in his soul. I knew well what he meant. During pivotal times with my own son this bell had rung in my soul awakening me to the significance of the moment. In that heightened awareness habitual response is suspended. In a flash of clarity my friend understood the “toad” was hurting so he invited the toad to come near and talk.

“The toad can’t come see you now,” came the unhappy response. “The toad is hiding behind the corner but the nice puppy or the electrician will play with you.” As with all children this age the boy loved pretending to be animals or “workers.” Listening to the little boy’s words with the keen ears of the soul, my friend then spoke deeply from his heart. “Oh! Poor little toad! That poor little toad must be so lonely, hiding by himself and unable to come out.” The sweet little boy burst into tears and rushed into his daddy’s arms. Together they wept as my friend softly reassured the small boy, “Oh, little Toad, I am so sorry we told you to go away. You’re a good little toad - sometimes you just get a little carried away but we love you and never meant to push you away.” Drying his tears the young son revealed, “Dad - that toad is clever too.” Great healing filled their hearts.

Kiss the Toad; Find Love

What a gift for us all! Our toad to be loved! Within each of us dwells a lonely toad filled with fear and hurt. When our fear and pain croaks to us we have been trained to squash it - to be rid of this dark side. “Enough! Stop that! Buck up! Suck it up! Shut-up! Get over it! What is wrong with you? Grow up…” Just as this would further damage that sweet little boy - we hurt ourselves by despising the toad.

As in the sage teachings of fairytales we see it is in kissing the toad (frog) that we transform all that we first reviled, into the love of our life - our prince (or princess). By accepting and unconditionally loving the beast we discover its beauty (and cleverness!). Let us all practice kissing the toad!

Teresa Proudlove is the publisher/editor of http://www.yourlifework.com: support and inspiration for your work and life. Teresa has been inspiring, supporting, and mentoring over 3000 people upon their lifework path for fourteen years, leading workshops and authoring many internationally published articles.

“Delight yourself also in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Ps.37:4

The heart motivations and passions God has given us to fulfill His will for our lives, can lead us down some interesting paths. These paths may bring challenges, but they can also bring some incredible rewards!

We have a lot at stake. We have a calling and a destiny that is from God. We not only have been given desires, but abilities and gifts to carry out those desires. These are the guide within us to find a purposeful life. You could almost call it our “homing device” to direct us to our sought after destination.

Finding a Life of Purpose
It is amazing the things in our life that can help us find that life of purpose. Sometimes we may travel a rather straightforward journey, letting our desires and joys lead the way. Other times circumstances, perhaps beyond our control, may give birth to our life of purpose. Adversity and trial can be the crucible from which we find our mission and ourselves. Whatever our story may be, God’s dreams for us will always be bigger than we are— and will require a walk of faith.

Are you a seeker, looking for “something” you could feel passionate about? Wouldn’t you like to find the life that you could say, “This is me. This is what I was made for!” Isn’t this better than spending a life of regret? What is so special about passion anyway? I would like to expand on it a bit. There are several things that come to mind:

• Passion is within us. It is there to point us toward a purpose or mission we could believe in, and the path we should follow.
• Passion can be identified when we discover what it is that motivates us the most.
• Passion is not about what we do. It is about doing what we are passionate about.
• Passion calls us to take risks, face challenges, and to trust God.
• Passion teaches us a lot about ourselves.
• Passion is used to serve and benefit others, and carry out the things God wants accomplished in the world.

One Woman’s Story
It is encouraging and helpful to hear the stories of those who have not left their heart desires and passions behind, but have followed those desires and found a fulfilling and meaningful life. Such women can inspire us and instruct us, as we attempt to bring our own heart along in our life journey. This one of the most important missions of our life, but it can also be one of the hardest to carry out! Many fail, and as Henry David Thoreau claimed, “live lives of quiet desperation.”

Let’s hear and benefit from someone who did step out to follow her dreams, or in Jan Carlberg’s case, someone who saw her dreams start to gradually unfold before her. That often happens that as we keep doing the things we love, and find ourselves drawn to. Jan tells her story:

“When I was thirty six we moved east to Gordon College, where Jud became dean of the faculty… A couple of years later, after our children were in school, I took a part-time job at the college working in campus activities…later I became director of orientation, then assistant chaplain. Sometimes I spoke in chapel. This led to invitations from students to speak in their churches, opening up opportunities to speak nationally. I silently prayed, ‘God, I could not have thought this up.’

“Several years ago my husband became president of Gordon College. All my training in hospitality, meeting strangers, making friends, learning to adapt and flex prepared me for this newest stage. I love teaming up with Jud to tell and write the Gordon story. It’s a fresh way to teach and encourage. It is my passion, my mission. I believe whatever motivates a person is his or her mission. Now my struggles are more with distinguishing the good from the best. It’s about balance.

“Today I have a sense of harmony with what I do and how God made me…I love being a wife and mom, but I also love using my gifts of writing, teaching, and encouraging… To grow in love and knowledge of God is to learn to love and know
Yourself, since we are made in the image of God.

“To other women I would say, … don’t be afraid to trust God with all your heart’s desires, wishes, and fears… discover your gifts, your mission, what energizes you, and don’t be limited or driven by outside forces. Enjoy the journey.” (From Follow Your Heart and Discover God’s Dream for You, p.126-128, by Judy Peterson.)

Hallowed Ground
In closing, I don’t know how you will discover your own dreams and sense of mission. I do know that you can ask God to show you the purposes for your life, and the dreams and plans He has for the desires and abilities you have been given. Be open, like Jan, to how that might unfold. Don’t overlook the deep desires in your heart. They are “hallowed ground.” Find out why they are there! God wants to help you fulfill them.

Happy dream journey,

Judy Peterson

©Copyright 2006 - Judy Peterson. All Rights Reserved.

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 4, 2003

I dated a woman I work with for four years. In both our minds we were soul mates. A year and a half ago she broke it off. I never found out the real reasons.

After we broke up she would still tell me she loved me and we were soul mates. Of course at the same time she was dating another man, a married man. But it’s worse than that. In college this guy stalked her–her words, not mine. Now, of course, she’ll claim he was “just observing me.”

She is still dating him. He is still married. He lives a few hours drive away so it’s easy for him to hide the fact he hasn’t filed divorce papers yet. In fact, I know he and his wife just refinanced their house, yet my girlfriend is convinced he’ll marry her one day.

But wait, there’s more. To this day she asks me to lunch every day, calls me “babe,” touches me affectionately, and talks about vacations together. When I’m on travel, she calls once or twice a day. At her request, we’re seeing a therapist to resolve our trust issues, but not to reconcile.

It’s difficult to say my hands are clean here, but I am truly concerned. Everything I’ve read suggests there is nothing but pain and heartache down the road for her, and I’ve worked hard to change my shortcomings through therapy, reading, and action.

If things were right, I would like to begin anew with her. I’ve tried the approach of moving on and seeing other women. She knows enough to be jealous of these women, but it has no effect. How do I approach it without blowing my chances?

Dieter

Dieter, a few years ago when we were guests on a radio call-in show in Los Angeles, a man called and asked what to do about his soul mate. He knew she was having an affair, he said, because he had hired a private detective who found the evidence.

If what you and that man have is a soul mate, what do you call a couple who love each other to the exclusion of all others?

What you really have is a woman who finds some benefit in letting you fantasize about her while she tries to land another man. You are not ready to accept our answer, but what you have is more like an addiction.

The only cure for an addiction is to remove yourself from both the substance you are addicted to and the environment in which your addiction flourishes.

Wayne & Tamara

Parenthood

Recently my wife announced it was time for us to “make a decision about having a baby.” This announcement blind-sided me, because I have always been perfectly clear on this matter. I only want kids if they are sautéed correctly.

All my friends and all my relatives know my aversion to children. The reasons behind my feelings are varied, but this has never been a gray area for me. My wife, on the other hand, says that “my future involves having a family,” implying in no uncertain terms that she is going to have children with or without me.

This seems to be an irreconcilable situation. What are your thoughts?

Chad

Chad, not everyone makes a good parent. People like you, who recognize this early on, shouldn’t have children. You made it perfectly clear before the wedding, and you thought she accepted this fact.

Your wife has a right to have children, but not with a man she knew never wanted to be a parent. Your dark humor expresses the seriousness of your convictions. Since you know you do not want children, it is your responsibility to make sure you don’t father a child.

Your wife is right that it is time to make a decision, but the issue is your future together.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.